My Indian parents will not accept my boyfriend. Please please help! - The Student Room
If my parents disowned me, and then threatened to kill my gf's family I'd tell I told my mum I was dating an English girl and she wasn't very. I am Chinese and I've been dating my secret indian bf of nearly 2 years. I told my parents about two years ago (I'm 21 now) that I was in love. For many traditional Indian parents, a "girlfriend" means "not committed". Beyond emotional blackmail, or disowning me, which I know my.
Both of my parents come from small villages on the outskirts of large cities and had little access to information.
The information they were presented with were the common stereotypes we use today. Unfortunately, even after being in the United States for 40 years, the largest melting pot for immigrants, and having access and experiences with all different kinds of ethnicities, they continued to hold their prior beliefs and chose not to evolve.
When she finally did come around, she made me sign a sheet of paper stating that I would marry an Indian woman. In retrospect, I have no idea why I had agreed to do this, as this would be continuously brought up for the next several years. I think I may have felt sad for my mom.
How I was Almost Disowned for my Decision to Marry Outside my Culture
I felt like I owed it to her, to make her happy. I always thought the way I was raised was to not judge a book by its cover.
Look at the person, look their family, look at their belief system, use that as a body of work for making a decision, not skin color or ethnicity. When I did fall in love, it was to my now beautiful African-American wife, although I knew I had to be serious about her before approaching my parents and letting them know.
My now wife and I dated for several months before I decided to tell my family. I don't really know what to do.
I'm so angry with my father and so disappointed in his narrow-mindedness. I feel that I care less and less about him every day-we used to be so close but this has torn the family apart. Apart from all this, believe me, I loved my father so much-I thought he was superman. I used to try everything I can to please him cause he was a god. Now, I can't even stand to look at him or touch him; not after all the pain he has caused and all the hurtfull things he has uttered.
How to deal with Indian parents when dating a Caucasian girl? - white girlfriend | Ask MetaFilter
Yet I also agree with how incredibly tough this whole thing will be, and thus how big a risk I would be taking with my bf his family doesn't approve either. If it doesn't work out I would be utterly alone. Our relationship is not perfect and the critics from my father are not without fault; is he really worth hell and back?
I can already see problems: I would like to think so, but my father's words have put major doubts in my mind. What should I do? No "love talk" It is taboo in many traditional Indian families to speak of love, lust, dating, or members of the opposite sex in front of your parents. Traditional Indian elders are very taboo about dating, sexuality, and public displays of affection - especially before marriage.
Not openly discussing one's feelings means there is so much that is kept hidden, and secret. Secrets are commonplace Unless something is absolutely certain to happen, people will usually keep it a secret.
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- Hello and Vanakkam!
In Western culture, secrets are seen as being something to be embarrassed of. In traditional Indian culture, it's a norm, because there is so much that cannot be expressed openly. If your Indian boyfriend is keeping you a secret until he finishes his studies, do not feel embarrassed. It may be that he is protecting both you, and him from harassment for the time being.
I know from experience - "girlfriend" status as a foreigner - can be treated by some as no better than dirt on the road! Plant the seed first The best way to tell Indian parents is to first tell that you have "a foreign friend".
That way the parents are alerted of your existence and have their radar up. Not only that, but it gives traditional parents time to get used to your existence in their child's life.
To be kept absolutely secret is not a good thing. Give the parents time to get used to the idea.
Indian parents know much more than they let on! Absolute hell will break out. Watch out for all the emotional blackmail coming your way "You're the reason why I have high blood pressure" etc. Once you're financially secure, tell them you "intend to marry" your foreign partner.
For many traditional Indian parents, a "girlfriend" means "not committed". It is absolutely crucial with this introduction of a possible foreign spouse - to get off on the right foot. It is every traditional Indian parents worst nightmare to have their child come to them and say, "I'm eloping with my foreign girlfriend tomorrow - are you going to approve or not" Remember, slow and steady wins the race