INTJ Relationships Guide - INTJ vision
The ENFP's Guide To Dating Rationals. By Heidi . The ENFP-INTJ relationship is theorized to be one of the best MBTI pairings. Both types are. We know that we're pretty darned outstanding as relationship material, just too. Here are some tips to help the socially-challenged INTJ navigate the INTJs notoriously approach dating the way they approach most. We've pulled together some stats from the INTJ romance surveys to shed some more light on how Architects operate in dating and relationships.
So for goodness sake, remember your anniversary. And book a table on Valentine's Day.
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Game plans only work when you're playing chess INTJs notoriously approach dating the way they approach most situations - with a game plan. Rather than falling head over heels for the nearest warm body, we construct a well-defined image of our ideal partner, break the dating process down into a series of actionable milestones, then proceed to execute the plan with laser-sharp focus. Strategy in place, we're ready to woo. Shockingly, other people may not fall in line with this system.
Partners and dates want to know they are attractive, respected and loved for who they are without all the wrangling, controlling and mind games. Painful as it is, you've got to play with the other person, not manipulate them like pawns on a chessboard. A date is not an interview INTJs famously require a mate of the mind - someone clever, preferably genius, and independent enough to stand up to the INTJ's formidable intellect.
Most INTJs will figure out very quickly whether someone makes the grade. If not, the INTJ will waste no time on further courtship. We are through with the interloper.
We will not look back. To make a fair assessment, an INTJ typically will bombard their date with the "big" questions. And by big, I mean the sort of complex, probing, no-stone-left-unturned questions you get asked at an interview. We think we are nailing down our date's personality and suitability this way. In fact, we're killing the buzz 90 percent of the time.
Ask your date what kind of music they like movies, books, food. Everyone has an opinion on these subjects. Your date won't feel stressed talking about their favorite meal. If your date is a poor conversationalist or displays terribly bad taste, cut your losses.
But if the conversation naturally veers off at a tangent and throws up all sorts of delicious morsels, then you've probably struck gold. And you didn't even ask your date about their life goals. Sometimes, you've just got to go for it INTJ's score high on the Judging scale, which means they like to have things decided. However, this only occurs when we've made up our minds.
Until then, we are flexible and open to new information. This is a problem, because we have a tendency to spend a ridiculous amount of time studying the ins and outs of relationships - knotty issues like our feelings, whether the flames of passion are burning, and the significance of it all.
It is not, however, impossible. Just hard to understand from the non-INTJ perspective. Your standard human being will use two of three primary qualifiers when first seeking a romantic partner- physical attraction, emotional connection, and common interests.
The INTJ, however, uses a more scientific approach. This first step can be taken to an unhealthy extreme, and when the list mental or otherwise becomes too specific, this will end in disappointment. Second, the INTJ will observe people in or connected to their social circle if they have one to see if any of the people already connected to them match their criteria for an ideal partner.
If none of the people already connected with INTJ match their minimum standards, the INTJ may choose to revise their original list of desirable attributes.
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More likely, they will wait for the right person to enter their circle of influence. It is important to note that INTJs value freedom and solitude, and will only start a relationship if they think that being in that relationship will be more satisfying than their alone time. This is an expression of respect, refraining from correcting or sharing opinions until after the partner has finished talking.
This pursuit of perfection may strain the relationship if the partner finds it uncomfortable or tiring. Trying to make an INTJ do so may cause headaches, dizziness, blindness, or death. If you experience any of these symptoms, seek INTJ help immediately. When an INTJ finds a person worth spending time with, a partnership is formed.
Once that partnership has been created, the INTJ will invest much time and energy in improving and maintaining it. Cheating of any kind is not an option. Either the relationship will continue monogamous and self-sustainingor it will end.
A Partner can interpret this lack of repetition as a lack of affection, and become upset. INTJs spend the majority of their time inside their own minds and are commonly disinterested in daily expressions of romance. Instead, they show their devotion through spending time with their partner and being completely honest with them. Compliments from an INTJ — like physical gifts — are rare, but creative.
For one, INTJs with a history of relational difficulties can be prone to attribute those failures to psychological problems in their partners, thereby failing to see their own shortcomings.
The ENFP’s Guide To Dating Rationals | Thought Catalog
While not necessarily their fault, this should comprise at least as much of their relational attention as trying to see and diagnose problems in their partners. To be fair, accurate self-evaluation can be a problem for all J-types, since their preferred mode of Judging Fe or Te is directed outwardly rather than inwardly. This is one reason why typology can be so useful for INTJs, as well as other types. One of the hallmarks of Fi is a desire to preserve and defend the uniqueness of the individual.
Related to a strong concern for the individual is the Fi desire to aid the weak, helpless, and marginalized of society. This is why IFPs, for instance, can often be found helping the homeless, working with children with special needs, protecting endangered species, etc.
Once we add Fi into the mix, it is not hard to see how INTJs might be attracted, even if unconsciously, to rescuing and fixing those who seem needy or helpless. The relationship then becomes a sort of psychotherapeutic forum, with the INTJ working to analyze, diagnose, and treat his wounded partner. It zeroes in on the unique features of the individual and grows deeply attached to those qualities.
While INTJs may not experience the consistent strength of feeling that FP types do, they are nonetheless influenced by the less conscious workings of Fi, which helps inspire loyalty, love, and commitment.
This makes it a highly alluring function, powerful enough to inspire a fierce and protracted tug-of-war with the dominant function. Money also relates to status, another Se-related desire.
They may, for instance, feel forced to perform unfulfilling work that fails to utilize their Ni-Te gifts. Or, they may struggle when the quality of a product or accuracy of information is compromised for the sake of marketability.