gleeden: How a dating app is saving my marriage - The Economic Times
Jun 16, I am a woman in her mids in Bengaluru. Married for a decade. Mother of one. A mid-level professional, whom you would normally label as. Colours shown are indicative and may vary slightly from actual car colours. Datsun GO and GO Plus launched in India at Rs and Rs lakhs. The Datsun Cross has already been launched in Indonesia and could launch in India close to the Auto Expo. Since nothing has been written in stone yet.
This happened only after our comfort levels with each other had grown. At such meetings at a pub or a restaurant, our conversations veered towards morality, marriage and the mundane. They told me of other women they had met through the app.
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Housewives, head honchos of corporate houses, entrepreneurs, marathon runners, et al. They were all using Gleeden. As I listened, the reality began to dawn on me.
How a couple in a marriage — through years of love, conflict, comfort, raising children and wanting different things from life — begin to stop seeing each other.
This, I realised, was normal and happened to everyone.
Many refuse to acknowledge it because we are raised to believe in the happily ever after. It was like looking at a mirror of sorts. What the men were complaining of their wives, maybe I was doing the same to my spouse? Maybe he was lonelier in our marriage but had found a different way to cope with it, by drowning himself in work? Eventually, I did get involved with someone, taking it beyond just dinner and drinks. I call him my FILF. We try to keep it simple.
Be an emotional anchor to each other. Offer sex to each other when we can. You could argue that I could put all this effort and energy to mend my marriage.
How a dating app is saving my marriage
But after a decade of being married I know that the fundamental problems between my husband and I will never fade. Instead of fretting over it, I have chosen to accept the imperfectness of it all. In return, I have decided to keep the count of happiness for myself constant.
Because that was making me a better spouse, instead of a grouchy one. I can now laugh at our fights with someone else. In a society where extramarital affairs are a taboo, I see the generation of Baby Boomers, xennials and millennials like me realising the futility of the forever.
For now, I feel like I was saved from drowning in despair. My selfworth and chutzpah are back. My spouse is surprised at the amount of humour I am bringing to the dinner table. The opinions expressed in this column are that of the writer.
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The facts and opinions expressed here do not reflect the views of www. Sign up for the daily ET Panache newsletter. I set my preference to men the app does allow you to date your own sexand received another surprise — Bumble had a verification option! This instantly put Bumble a step ahead of Tinder which had no such option, as evinced by the many people pretending to be Ranbir Kapoor or a sexy Arab sheikh.
After spending 10 minutes looking through profiles, I concluded that Tinder and Bumble were nothing alike. As my friend had promised, Bumble had far more interesting choices. Almost every man on Bumble had a proper bio, and almost no man had grainy gym shots. There were far fewer people on there, true, but I found myself swiping right on almost half the profiles I encountered.
All these advantages, though, paled in comparison to the real one. The one feature that differentiated Bumble from every other dating app? Women had to initiate conversations with men. Once you matched with a man, you had 24 hours to send him a message or the match would expire permanently. It was quietly, audaciously feminist.
In a world where men bemoaned having to make the first move, and in which women were plagued with endless, inane come-ons, this was a welcome role reversal. Women could review their matches at leisure to find the absolute best options.
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I wondered if this was why the quality of my conversations on Bumble was so much better. On Tinder, I had often had to unmatch men who sent creepy messages about their genitalia.
The stakes were low for them — there were so many women on Tinder that they felt entitled to be vulgar. But on Bumble, they seemed more genuine and serious. Perhaps because they had fewer matches. All in all, the app seemed like it had been designed with an eye to women and our safety. In the fraught, often terrifying world of online dating, this was vital.
I thought of apps like Blendr, the shortlived version of Grindr for straight people. Blendr claimed to match men with women who were in their area and looking for casual sex. Its failure was inevitable: